A Little Late Film Review: Death at a Funeral (2010)

Death at a Funeral is a louder, more obnoxious, more profane and inept version of a mediocre but slightly entertaining British comedy of the same name from 2007.  The movie follows its source material almost to the letter, with the same characters and the same events that turn a patriarch’s wake into a circus.  Everything that happens in the film is taken from the original yet it is executed worse on every level. 

The cast is not without talent.  The list of popular stars includes Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, Danny Glover, Luke Wilson, Keith David, James Marsden, Loretta Devine and Peter Dinklage reprising his role from the original.  Most of the stars do what they can with the weak material; Regina Hall, Luke Wilson and Chris Rock are good here in a more subdued roles.  The problem is much of the remainder of the cast shouts and overacts, even resorting to flailing and running around.  James Marsden takes over the far more talented Alan Tudyk’s role as the boyfriend of one of the bereaved who is inadvertently given a narcotic that causes him to hallucinate.  His performance is particularly bad, and could be the worst in the film.

Another performance, that of Peter Dinklage, is a testament to the poor direction by Neil LaBute.  While Dinklage was pretty good in the original, he is stale and out of place in this version.  Its the director’s pension for seeming to enjoy overacting that brings this film down, which is why it is so odd that Dinklage is so boring in this role.  LaBute is the director of such absurdities as Nurse Betty, Lakeview Terrace and the epitome of over-the-top cinema, the Wicker Man.  It shows.  This movie is much tamer than those, but it is still pretty hyperactive. 




The film has what I like to call editing A.D.D.  It never holds a shot more than a few seconds, bouncing between views.  Shaky cam and speedy tracking shots are also abundant.  This is a bad editing job, and it makes the film distracting and hard to watch at times, especially in dialogue.  Actor 1 speaks, cut to actor 2 for one second, back to actor 1 to finish his/her sentence, back to 2 for reaction, back to 1 for wait, back to 2 for retort.  What makes things worse is occasionally you will see a shot in the rapidly shuffling mix that works; a shot they could have used from the start for the whole or at least most of the conversation, which further points out the film’s technical ineptitude. 

All of that aside, Death at a Funeral is the immature younger brother of an already silly and strange comedy.  It falls into the category of “If I use lots of profanity, it will be funny.”  To make matters worse, and to make the film that much more insulting, the screenwriter of this version of the film wrote the script for the original.  Which is a testament to what the writer must think about the film’s target audience.  One scene in particular, which was already bad in the original (involving a particularly disgusting scatological gag), is dragged out and overdrawn in this version.  Stupid Americans like poop jokes.  At least, that’s how this film comes off.  It’s a dumbed down version of an already unsophisticated film which is pretty derisive.  What’s even more insulting is the film tries to get heartfelt in the end; an inexcusable insult to the audience that has been subjected to the level of humor you would read on the bathroom wall of a middle school for almost an hour and a half. 

In short, this is a stupid, condescending film assuming its target audience is to immature for the original, tamer material and pursues the over-the-top over the believable.  What’s worse, is there was absolutely no reason for this film to be made.  It is a remake of a film that was already only moderately funny at times, and while I found a small level of amusement in the British version, I found this movie to be amateurish in directorial execution, ridiculous and needlessly crude in its screenwriting, and very puerile in its humor.  If you absolutely have to see this film, see the original instead as this version is exactly the same material recycled poorly.

A Little Late Film Review: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Undworld: Rise of the Lycans is a laughable and shockingly bad action film that tries to pass itself off as well-written and exciting. This prequel to the first two films focuses on the origins of the long-time war between the Vampires and the Lycans. Sonja (Rhona Mitra) is heir to the throne of the empire of the Vampires and Lucian (Michael Sheen) is an enslaved Warewolf, raised by the Vamps’ leader Viktor (Bill Nighy). There is a thing between Lucian and Sonja (of course there is), all while Viktor attempts to prepare his daughter to take the throne. Lucian devises a plan to escape by making a key to his shackles and fleeing. This leads to an insurrection that begins the war between the two races.

The problems with this film are abundant and prominent, and it could take a very long time to list them all, so I’ll try to keep this short. We’ll begin with the screenplay. I just know that the film’s screenwriters were very, very proud of themselves for writing this pretentious dreck. Just think Shakespeare if it were written by a drunken truck driver who never finished high school but remembers Romeo and Juliet and tried to recreate THAT. The screenplay includes some absurd colloquialisms that try to make it seem poetic, but just come off as laughable.

Another major problem is exceptionally bad direction of the film. This also includes the cinematography and art direction. Shots are poorly framed, unsteady and filled with unnecessary cuts between four or more cameras. The editing looks as though it was done through a Viewmaster. The actions scenes are incomprehensible, with bodies moving quickly in front of the camera passing as violence. There are also the constantly sweeping shots of landscapes. These would be great, if you could actually see them. The style of the film is blue filter, low-light and grim and boring sets. When you can actually see what’s going on the characters are shot in a way that makes them look like pale Smurfs because of the heavy blue in every single shot. The deep black doesn’t help. The actors are meant to be lit against the dark backdrop, which can work (I reference the works of Orson Wells), but the backdrops are opaque and ugly. All in all, this is a huge problem for a movie that thinks it’s pretty.




There’s also the horrendous CGI and practical effects that make up the Lycan. They are grimy, ugly and cheap looking as makeup, and resemble a video game character circa 1999 when animated. They wobble like blobs as they slide across the screen, meant to be cool looking but just coming off as cold and lifeless. One major problem with CGI in movies is that there has never been a film were you couldn't tell you’re looking at a poorly-rendered computer object. For a movie that tries to make these beasts seem intimidating and impressive, this issue is crippling.

Alas, there is the acting. It isn’t all bad. Certainly not the worst I’ve reviewed so far on this blog. Michael Sheen is one of my favorite actors working today and he isn’t bad, though he does seem a little out of place. He does what he can with the shoddy writing and direction. Character actor Bill Nighy is usually good, but here he is brooding and insipid. Then there's Rhona Mitra, who is just terrible here. She is emotionless (and don’t give me that crap that she’s supposed to be, that’s B.S.) and vapid. She comes off as a store clerk bored with the redundancy of her minimum wage job. As one of the leads, she really needs to be more likable, but alas, she isn’t. It’s hard to cheer for a character that doesn’t connect with the audience, let alone the other actors on screen.

In short, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, is a silly, disreputable mess of a movie. It is so dank, so ugly, so poorly written and so overacted that it feels like it could almost reach so-bad-its-good status, but its just to impressed with itself to be an enjoyable experience in the way Bride of the Monster is. When I watch a film like Rise of the Lycans, I can’t shake the thought that the makers of this film created the movie more for their own entertainment, rather than ours. It is also very boring for an action film, moving far too slow. It’s an 88 minute film stretched out to 2 hours (Thanks to roughly 40 minutes of unbearable filler), and it feels like it lasts an eternity.

The Adjustment Bureau - Review

Volition. Nihilism. Humanism. All of these are studied in the Adjustment Bureau, a film adaptation of the Phillip K. Dick short story. Whenever a film tries to get philosophical, it is normally disastrous. In the case of the Adjustment Bureau, it is interesting that the ideology that drives it tells us two things, love conquers all, and man cannot rule himself. There is also a degree of politics imbued in this film, something that Glen Beck would have a field day with, but there is nothing here to make a big deal of, and that’s the problem.

Structurally and artistically, the Adjustment Bureau is fantastic. The cinematography is beautiful, the screenplay is naturalistic and convincing, and the characters, even the smaller ones, are fleshed out and studied. The film takes place over the course of several years, beginning at the failed campaign of a New York state politician and fast forwards to the time where his next campaign begins. It focuses on the most intense and stressful periods in the life of this politician, and it is timed perfectly.

David Norris (Matt Damon) is struggling in his campaign, and after a brief, chance meeting with a lovely woman hiding in the men’s room, his life becomes an endless search to find this woman again, a woman he knows is “the one” (In a very contrived and strange moment, after speaking for about thirty seconds they begin a passionate kiss). There is a problem with this relationship however: It wasn’t supposed to happen.

The Adjustment Bureau is a team of strange and very powerful beings that look like men, but they are much more. They can manipulate the world around them, they can change your will and even read your mind. After an agent assigned to keep an eye on Norris misses an important queue in his target’s fate, Norris stumbles again into the girl, Elise (Emily Blunt). This is a big problem and conflicts with “the Plan”. From here, the Bureau does everything they can to ensure David and Elise do not meet, and this is made even more difficult for them when they reveal themselves to David. Once he knows their plan, he does all he can to dodge their endless roadblocks.




This is the movie in a nutshell: Norris meets Elise, the Bureau attempts to separate them, repeat. Their measures grow increasingly extreme, but that really is the formula here, and that formula becomes a huge crutch to this film, keeping it from greatness. The first two acts of the Adjustment Bureau are great. The dialogue is good, the movie is shot well, and the performances by all involved are fantastic. When the film reaches its last act, it is an extended chase scene that is well done, but too fast and sudden. It culminates in an ending that is so sudden, so “Hollywood” and pandering that it feels like it belongs in a different movie.

Another strange element of the film is the marketing. The Adjustment Bureau is marketed as a thriller or even and action flick. It isn’t. It is a romance with an underlying fantasy element, and this is important to get across. It is much more When Harry Met Sally than it is the Bourne Identity. This is fine, because they didn’t take the route of Inception, which essentially ruined that movie for me; making it thirty minutes of set up, two hours of shooting. Still, the trailers are deceptive and that’s important to note.

Another note, the concepts of free will, God and human and social nature are good; they give the film depth and that is always welcome. I only ask: Why did they take the ending the way they did? It is contrary to everything in the film, and it made no sense. Just because there is a guy and a girl doesn’t mean the ending always works out the way the couple would like (I refer you to Casablanca).

Overall, the Adjustment Bureau is a good movie, held back because it plays it too safe. It had the potential for greatness early on, but the film’s cold nature takes a turn so weak that it makes you wonder what happened to the previous two hours. Still, for a good weekend night out, it is a movie with elements that most audiences will enjoy, and in the scheme of things, considering all the garbage that comes out in theaters these days, it is a decent attempt at a great idea that may just be too deep for Hollywood.

Video Game Review: Rift

There are many MMO’s out there.  Most of them are bad, some are only okay.  For years, World of Warcraft was the quintessence of online RPG’s and all those that attempted to be “fresh” and “better” either failed miserably, or just didn’t catch on.  Enter Rift; a much hyped, much talked about MMORPG that promises to give players a vacation from Azeroth.

Rift is a fast-paced game in which you choose from two factions, three different races in each, and then from four classes:  Warrior, Mage, Rogue and Cleric.  The game opens with an entertaining cutscene and you are then dropped into a complex and lively world.  After you create your character, there is a lot to learn.  It may seem overwhelming, but the intro area is designed to get you acclimated to the way things work in the game, and to give you a taste of how gorgeous this game is.


Rift does borrow a lot from World of Warcraft and the other “good MMO” Warhammer Online, but it never feels like a copycat.  It runs its own course after the familiar things are out of the way, and, honestly the familiarities with borrowed shortcut keys and similar leveling styles makes it easier to get into from WoW.  Since Trion World’s (developer of Rift) goal is to obviously steal players from Blizzard, making things familiar but different is a very smart move. 




With four classes, it doesn’t seem too broad.  That is, until you get into the game.  After you choose your class, your first quest rewards you by allowing you to select from a big list of subclasses.  For example, a Cleric can choose Shaman from the list.  As the intro area proceeds, you will get to choose from two more of these.  In short, within your class you get to mix and match three different subclasses, each with their own abilities and specialties.  This makes for a truly dynamic experience and really does merit multiple tries of the same class, to see how things play differently. 

The quests are standard MMORPG fare.  Kill a few of these, pick up some of these, go talk to this guy, ect.  But the quests are not the focus here, they merely act as something to do between the other events that are occurring constantly during gameplay.  Rifts open, acting as group quests that you can automatically join if you enter the area during the event.  Each rift is divided into stages where the group must take on increasingly more challenging waves of enemies until the Rift closes.  Invasions occur near or in towns where dozens of powerful enemies storm the area, and the players group up, automatically again, to take on these hordes until their numbers are drained.  Footholds are smaller-scale, simpler events that spawn other attacks, these can easily be soloed by a skilled player who can then earn the same rewards as they would from other events.

I, personally, have been playing Rift for a few days now and I am hooked.  It is a very polished, well-balanced and extremely fun to play MMORPG that gives more experienced gamers a nice break from the more paint-by-numbers MMO action in WoW.  The spontaneity of the events makes them more exciting, because you never know when or where they will occur.  This makes for a fast-paced action RPG that provides more than a little fun for fans of this style of game.  If you are unsure of Rift, I can assure you; if you like MMO’s, or maybe even just one MMO, and you like a fun, exciting challenge, Rift is a delightful option.  I may even speak evil and say that it is, in many ways, better than World of Warcraft.  GASPS ABOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Little Late Film Review: The Spy Next Door (2010)

The Spy Next Door (2010, Relativity Media)

I wanted to challenge myself.  I wanted to find a movie to review that I knew I would hate, and rip on it.  I didn’t want to pick on a B-grade, straight-to-DVD disaster, that’s too easy.  While searching I stumbled across a recent film from Brian Levant, director of such “masterpieces” as Jingle Al the Way and both of the terrible Flintstones movies.  Now this guy has made some bad movies, so I knew what I was up against sitting through this The Spy Next Door.  I had a feeling from the start that this was going to be a “Blooper Reel Movie”; that being a movie that runs outtakes at the end to remind us how fun the filming was.  Many of Chan’s films have one, and I wondered if this one would have one too.

The Spy Next Door opens with clips of Jackie Chan being awesome, showing clips of various stunts from other films.  It then cuts to a seemingly normal and very cliché suburban household, complete with the smart kid, the angst-ridden and defiant teen and the bratty younger kid, oh and did I mention they have a pet pig?  How quirky!  The scene is chaotic, trying to show us what this beautiful mother is up against in the morning before taking her kids to school.  Really, it mainly exists to set up the relationships between the characters as it does hold some importance to the story later.  If only the story really mattered here.

Essentially, Gillian (the mother, played by Amber Valletta) is in love with Bob (played by Jackie Chan).  The kids think Bob is a dork, and he does a good job of acting like one.  Little do they know that Bob is actually a CIA agent on loan from Hong Kong.  Why?  It doesn’t matter, he just is.  Bob is given some top secret data by his boss (played by George Lopez).  Bob then offers to baby-sit Gillian’s kids, as an opportunity to connect with them, and the smart son, Ian, steals the data from Bob’s computer thinking it’s some rare concert recording.  Bad guys find out!  Enter the inept goons!  This is all just a contrived setup, however, because this movie exists to have Jackie Chan jump, climb, flip and swing his way around each set. 

The action scenes in the Spy Next Door are okay.  Jackie Chan is good at doing crazy stunts and there are quite a few of them here.  Some of them give him some special effects assistance but most are practical.  A couple of the stunts are actually impressive, but they merely serve as a distraction to remind us we are watching a Jackie Chan movie.  The rest of the film doesn’t fare all that well.




The dialogue is not really all that bad.  It’s filled with clichés, platitudes and really lame puns, but it’s harmless.  Billy Ray Cyrus, who has a small part as an agent, has some of the worst lines, spouting out phony colloquialisms to establish the fact that his character is a country boy.  The two eldest kids aren’t bad, often laying out lines that they are given well, and Madeline Carroll, who plays the teen daughter, does show some signs of true acting chops.  Still, they managed to make a mediocre script worse by having two thirds of the cast speak unintelligibly.  The youngest daughter mumbles and squeaks her lines, the Russian villains are unintelligible and Jackie Chan bumbles and slurs his English, often sounding like a retarded ten year old.

The final major problem with the Spy Next Door is that the 94 minute running time could easily be cut down to an hour if you cut out all of the filler.  Pointless asides, horrible exposition sequences and two particularly overlong scenes, one in a mall, and one in a restaurant, all make up only a portion of the fat this film is laced with.  The film is at its worse when it tries to have heart.  These “sincere” ramblings between characters are boring and uninspired.  They use up two to three minutes to explain something that could have been told to us in a matter of seconds, if at all. 

The Spy Next Door is not the worst film I’ve seen by Brian Levant.  Actually, it may very well be his best movie, but that isn’t saying much considering his track record.  Jackie Chan is out of place here, even though this film was obviously made with him in mind.  There’s a huge disconnect between the main characters and the plot.  Sometimes it even feels like two movies.  This lack of cohesion and the horrendous execution of the dialogue by most of the cast make this one a big loser. 

P.S.  There was a blooper reel at the end of this one too.

My 100 Favorite Video Games of All Time: Part 10 (Finale)

10 – Sim City

In 1989 a PC game was released that started a franchise that would be the most successful series of PC games of all time. Sim City is a superb strategy title with depth and a pretty good sense of humor. A few years later the game was re-released on the Super Nintendo and included an attack on your city from Bowser. It was fun, smart and addictive.

09 – Illusion of Gaia

My favorite RPG of all time. Why? I honestly don't know! I just love this game. The storytelling using these lowly 16-bit sprites astounded me. At times the interactive cinematics seemed almost movie-like and included characters you cared about. The real-time gameplay was exciting, and included few bosses, but boy were they a challenge. They weren't throw away fights, they required practice and quick thinking. There was also the levels inspired by real-world locations like the Great Wall of China, Angkor Wat and Inca. I just adore this game.

08 – Contra 3: The Alien Wars

Contra 3 took everything that was great about the first game, threw it in the mix, then injected about 6000mg of anabolic steroids. The levels weren't three minute runs through recycled enemies. They were are series of exciting events bookended by hectic mini-boss battles. The game kept you on your toes from beginning to end and the energetic soundtrack added to the tension.

07 – Super Mario Bros. 3

“Get the STAR Jimmy! THE STAAAAAAR!!!” Super Mario Bros. 3 is the first true sequel to Super Mario Bros. that American audiences got and it was a doozie. The overworld map guided us through secrets and engaging worlds. The airships were intimidating and challenging and the Koopa kids became video game icons. This one is a stunner and the art style, resembling set pieces from a play is truly inventive and just fun to look at.

06 – Mega Man X

X is a great hero. Mega Man X is a great spin off. Taking the Mega Man formula to the next level, ratcheting up the challenge and pace, Mega Man X is a sublime sequel. The game was tense, fun and had a gorgeous look. Not to mention the music was stupendous.

05 – Tetris

The block puzzle game was born and its dawn was marked by the release of Tetris, a skill-based game that forced you to think two moves ahead. The game was challenging, addictive, and iconic. Tetris is still, to this day, one of the most recognizable titles in gaming history and even people that don't play games can find enjoyment in it. It had the perfect blend of pace, challenge, and fun.

04 – Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Zelda went 3D and boy was the result outstanding. The huge open world, epic bosses, mind-bending dungeons and eventful set pieces all made Ocarina of Time a classic. The game is the ultimate release on the Nintendo 64, and pushed the adventure genre forward. If it weren't for this game, the state of exploration in adventure titles could be very, very different. This is the greatest 3D game of all time. Period.

03 – Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

One Zelda title follows another. A Link to the Past was an engrossing, addictive, and quite long title that introduced us to the new face of the Zelda series that would become the formula for the franchise through the decade. The promotion of exploration, the moments of humor, the intimidating Dark World and the exciting dungeons all elevated this one beyond “great game” to “gaming masterpiece”.

02 – Super Mario World

After Super Mario Bros. 3 defined the format of Mario games to come, Super Mario World took it to the next level. Including huge, multi-tiered levels filled with secrets and surprises, fun boss battles, smart level design and the inclusion of our new friend Yoshi, Super Mario World was a true “blast from the past”. Another thing that this game did well was creating a new staple for platforming, introducing clever new conventions that would be used time and again by many games for years to come.

01 – Super Metroid

Alas. Numero uno! Ichiban! Super Metroid. The ultimate adventure shooter. This game is perfect. A great world, menacing bosses, lots of secrets and the best level design in any game, ever. Super Metroid promoted attempting to beat the game's “path” by trying to utilize minor abilities like the wall jump to get around. This game did everything right, and no game has been able to out do what Nintendo did with this game all those years ago.

My 100 Favorite Video Games of All Time: Part 9 (20-11)

20 – Sonic the Hedgehog 2

The first Sonic the Hedgehog was a great game. At the time it was hard to imagine it being improved on but its first sequel was a welcome enhancement to its already excellent predecessor. The levels in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 do even better to allow for speedy dashes and promote the mastery of each track-like zone. The inclusion of the slower but more jumping-friendly Tails was also a great bonus.






19 - Final Fantasy VII

Many consider this one to be the ultimate RPG. I love it, though it isn't my favorite. Still, FFVII is a outstanding achievement in storytelling in games and brings us one of the most iconic villains in the history of.. well... anything. Sephiroth was a detestable, sick individual and we loved him for it. His dialogue was insane but it was also a little sad, and we sympathized with all of the characters, including the villains. The writing here made us care about them, which made it that much harder to bear when one of them was ruthlessly killed. At that point, things got personal.



18 – Super Castlevania 4

Of all of the great Castlevania titles, the fourth on the SNES is easily my favorite. This game was a stand-out classic. It polished the gameplay of the already excellent series, upped the resolution and gave us some great levels. Still, the thing I probably remember the most about this great game is its superb soundtrack. This game has some of the best music I have ever heard in a video game, and that's saying a lot.



17 – Mega Man 3

On the subject of amazing game soundtracks... Mega Man 3 is my favorite Mega Man title of the 8-bit era. The levels were exciting, the bosses fun, the abilities were fresh and who doesn't love Rush? Each zone has new ideas and a fresh theme, further enhanced by the amazing music.







16 – Chrono Trigger

Chrono Trigger is a classic. The time-bending story, strange characters and team-oriented battle system all make up one of the best games of the 16-bit era. From start to finish Chrono Trigger remains exciting. There are few RPGs from the 16-bit age that still hold their appeal after almost two decades. Chrono Trigger holds a special place in my heart also because Lavos is such a cool final boss. On top of all that, the game boasted a number of different endings, based on your play, something that was unheard of at its time.

15 – Myst

I'm not a huge fan of point and click adventures, but Myst is a special exception. There are a few reasons why I like this game. It was beautiful when it came out, it had a challenge level that was just right, the puzzles weren't impossible, but they did make you think. The twist ending, if you do the wrong thing, is pretty clever, and the level design was inventive and breathtaking. On a side note, I read the three novels that tell the story and they are outstanding. While the story seems weak here, read the books and your attitude will change.






14 – Doom

John Carmack's Hell-bound shooter is an exciting, energetic thrill filled with morphing levels, intimidating baddies and a horrifying scarcity of ammo. Doom is the first-person shooter that defined the genre all those years ago, and it still remains an exciting challenge to this day. I must say, I do love the B.F.G. It is so handy when you need to kill that pesky Cyberdemon.






13 – Half Life

“Gordon Freeman, in the flesh!” This one is spectacular. Half Life is Valve's stellar first-person shooter that follows the adventure of a lowly scientist who accidentally opens a portal to an alternate dimension during an experiment on a strange artifact. As Gordon Freemen you fight your way through hordes of strange beings and unscrupulous agents who are out to kill you. Half Life was a stunning step forward in storytelling in games and a huge source of fan-made mods that brought out the multiplayer and took online gaming to the mainstream.




12 – Contra

Konami's classic action title Contra gave us the spread gun, the perfection of the co-op shooter and the famous Konami Code. The game is a wonderfully balanced and challenging game that was, at its time, an innovative game that pushed the shooter genre forward. For years it was the greatest shooter ever released and to this day people still strive for high scores and that elusive perfect run.





11 – Final Fantasy VI

Final Fantasy VI (or III if you don't know what the hell you're talking about) is Squaresoft's ultimate masterpiece. The game pushed the graphical powers of the Super Nintendo to the limits, gave us a huge list of memorable characters, and introduced us to the greatest video game villain of all time, Kefka. He was so mad, so vile that he actually succeeded in destroying the world. This was a memorable game with one of the most iconic final battles in video games.