|The Postman (1997; Warner Bros. Pictures)|
Costner mugs and poses in this film as The Postman (no, we never hear his name) uncovers a bag of undelivered mail and brings a letter to a town to which it was addressed. He then, for no apparent reason, digs himself deeper by claiming that the currently divided U.S.A. has reformed and the government is being reestablished under the new Commander In Chief, President Starky (WTF!?) So, as hope is kindled in the hearts of countless extras in shantytowns, an evil separatist named Gen. Bethlehem (Were they even freaking trying with the names here!? Oh, and he is played by Will Patton. Yeah. The dude from Armageddon.) learns of these goings on and immediately tries to capture the lowly Postman. So, with passions and patriotism renewed, and scores of newly recruited postmen under his rule, he begins a new Pony Express and fights against the tyrannical threat of the evil Bethlehem.
If I were to list everything I hated about this movie it would take about eighty pages, so I’m going to try to keep this brief. If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s a lot like another Costner film that’s coming up on this list in that it really does have to be seen to be believed. It is so strange, so ugly, so badly written and so horribly acted that it is actually comparable to anything released by the Asylum. However, with all the flaws of this film, the single worst part of the film is the Postman himself. Costner is utterly lost on how to make us like this character. Unlike his lead in Waterworld, who was cold and just plain evil most of the time, this character is earnest to the point where you just want to punch him in the face. He sounds off like a ninth-grader addressing his social studies class and you never get a sense that this character is part of any threatening or menacing future world. This is one of those bad performances that just deserve recognition and the Postman, as a whole, is a remarkably bad film.