My 15 Favorite Actors and Actresses Working Today

With all the stars working today, not many of them have given That One Performance.  The one role that defines them as stars and will live with them forever.  Bogart had Casablanca, Pacino had the Godfather, but what does Ryan Reynolds have?  Really?  So I thought out who has given that career-defining, masterful performance in the last ten years and who is also a consistently good actor, even if the movie they are in isn't always a winner.  So without further ado here is my 15 favorite actors working today:

15.  Tom Wilkinson

Best Performance of the Decade: Benjamin Franklin - John Adams (2008)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Sir Knolte - Black Knight (2001)

14.  Ellen Page

Best Performance of the Decade: Juno - Juno MacGuff (2007)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Kitty Pride - X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

13.  Ralph Fiennes

Best Performance of the Decade: Justin Quayle - The Constant Gardener (2005)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Hades - Clash of the Titans (2010)

12.  George Clooney

Best Performance of the Decade: Tie: Ryan Bingham - Up In The Air (2009) & Michael Clayton (2007)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Devlin - Spy Kids 3D: Game Over

11.  John Malkovich

Best Performance of the Decade: Osborne Cox - Burn After Reading (2008)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Galbatorix - Eragon (2006)

10.  Amy Adams

Best Performance of the Decade: Sister James - Doubt (2008)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Rose Lorkowski - Sunshine Cleaning (2008)

9.  Kevin Spacey

Best Performance of the Decade: Bobby Darrin - Beyond the Sea (2004)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Clyde - Fred Claus

8.  Leonardo DiCaprio

Best Performance of the Decade: Howard Hughes - The Aviator (2004)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Teddy Daniels - Shutter Island (2010)

7.  Kate Winslett

Best Performance of the Decade: April Wheeler - Revolutionary Road (2008)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Voice of Rita - Flushed Away (2006)

6.  Meryl Streep

Best Performance of the Decade: Julia Child - Julie & Julia (2009)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Donna - Mamma Mia! (2008)

5.  Don Cheadle

Best Performance of the Decade: Paul Rusesabagina - Hotel Rwanda (2004)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Luke - Mission to Mars (2000)

4.  Phillip Seymore Hoffman

Best Performance of the Decade: Truman Capote - Capote (2005)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: The Count - Pirate Radio (2008)

 3.  Paul Giamatti

Best Performance of the Decade:  John Adams - John Adams (2008)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Hertz - Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

2.  Hellen Mirren

Best Performance of the Decade: The Queen (2006)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Victoria - Red (2010)

 1.  Russell Crowe

Best Performance of the Decade: John Nash - A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Grounds For Firing Your Agent?: Robin Longstride - Robin Hood (2010)

A Little-Late Review - Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

Okay, when I heard Hideo Kojima's crew was working on a Castlevania game, I was skeptical, not only because I'm cynical, but because the phrase “3D Castlevania game” just never sat with me.  One's first impression upon popping in Lords of Shadow is that it has a completely generic opening, familiar to anyone who has ever played a game.  Little did I know thus would be the case with the entire game.

To start on a high note, the environment graphics are quite good.  The environments are filled with lush foliage and well-detailed ruins.  The levels are pretty to look at, and that always helps in keeping the player engaged.  This brings me to an important question: Why the hell do the character models look so bad?

The models look like characters from a PS2 game.  The human models are a little freaky looking, they are stiff and often resemble mannequins during the cutscenes.  With games like Uncharted 2 and, to a lesser extent, Final Fantasy XIII pushing the standards for character models in games it's pretty sad to see a game like Castlevania: Lords of Shadow try so little.  The enemies don't elevate things much either, they are completely uninspired, coming straight from the “Generic Fantasy Bad Guys Guidebook.”  So, are they fun to fight?




No.  Another point against this game.  Wait for the enemy to execute an obvious attack, dodge roll, combo until he is about to do the same attack again.  Just do that over and over.  You win!  Other, larger, bosses are shallow rip offs of those from Shadow of the Colossus.  The difference being, this game holds your hand and tells you everything you need to do, so just imaging Shadow of the Colossus if all the battles where just a series of quick-time events and there you go. 

http://www.ign.com

So a hero fighting monsters with combos using a flailing weapon, bosses that require the execution of quick time events...  This is God of War!  Ok, ok, I won't slander God of War anymore by comparing this piece of crap to it, but it's definitely trying to rip the series off.  In fact, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is unsuccessfully ripping off almost every popular action game from the last ten years except Castlevania, which, to the game's credit, has been pretty consistently terrible ever since the release of the phenomenal Symphony of the Night way back in the 1997. 

So, last but certainly least, what about the music?  The Castlevania series is known for it's great soundtrack right?  So is it good?  No!  It's generic orchestral chords that hum in the background and occasionally swell to a climactic phrase.  The music is just like the rest of the game.  It's boring.  Not everything in Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is really disastrous, it's just boring.  The developers didn't even try to make an interesting game, they just recycled an already overused formula to make another conventional beat-'em-up disguised as a next-gen title.  If you play a lot of games, you have played this before.  Hell, I'd say even if you don't play a lot of games you've played this before because it works so hard to be like everything else.  It's sad too because this game had a lot of promise behind it.  It had a time-tested pedigree working to revitalize the series, a new look and a new feel.  It's just too bad that this game is so mediocre, it's actually so mediocre it's bad because it doesn't have any excuse to be such a bare-bones, uninspired mess.  I'm holding this one to a higher standard because it could have been so much more.  Sorry Kojima productions, Diz Wonizza fail!

My Top 10 News Stories of 2010 – No, I Don't Have Anything About Lady Gaga.

10 – Chilean Miners Emerge

http://www.channel4.com/news/

After 69 days, 33 Chilean miners where rescued from a stocked safe room.  The miners were feed supplies through a small shaft while rescuers attempted to devise a plan to get the men out alive.  The world watched the news as the story became front-page news.  After more than two months in the cramped chamber, the men where rescued in front of millions of eyes on national television.  Florencio Avalos was the first of the 33 men to emerge and he was greeted by his wife and son. 

9 - Wikileaks

http://www.uncoverage.net

Julian Assange is really freaking proud of himself.  The plan: to publish leaked government cables provided by a disenfranchised private to gain much wanted public attention.  He's getting all of the attention in the world now, so I guess the world is giving him what he wants.  Some have argued he is a big time America-hater.  Okay?  But shouldn't we be focusing on any possible diplomatic damage that may come from bad blood boiled by the content of the cables?

http://cdn1.newsone.com

8   - Washington Rallies

On August, 28, Glenn Beck hosted the Restoring Honor Rally which had one the largest turnouts of any mass gathering in America's history.  The focuses of the rally where the founding principles of our country, but that didn't stop some from holding counter rallies.  I'm not really sure who you explain being against faith, hope and charity (the buzzwords at Beck's rallies) but the first counter-rally, hosted by John Stewart, was a far-left comedy romp that lacked any honesty and seriousness, the second was a multi-union-funded rally that either paid or forced their members to attend to boost numbers and included more than a few radicals in the form of communists and other revolutionaries. 

7 - TSA Security “Procedures”

http://www.annarbor.com/

“Don't touch my junk” is probably the catch phrase of the year, and thanks the good ole' TSA, it has  serious undertones.  The invasive security process, which includes the choice between a graphic 3D image that can see through your clothes or an extremely invasive pat-down which includes the touching of every square inch of a passenger's body, have been the center of a lot of controversy, mostly involving the debate between those who believe it is a blatant violation of the Fourth Amendment and those who just “don't mind because it's better than getting blown up”.

http://press.take88.com/

6 - The Ground Zero Mosque

“It's not a mosque!” I'm sick of the argument about this.  It is funny that this “community center” was a mosque UNTIL being a mosque was a problem.  The story of questionably sincere Imam Abdul Rauf's pet project (a Muslim Community Center and MOSQUE built on the site of a building that was struck with debris on 9/11) was a volatile subject on both sides and was the center of large number of smaller stories surrounding this major one.  My favorite smaller headline centering around this is the famous View Walk-Off, where, in a display of attempted moral superiority, Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar leave the set of the show during a shouting match with Bill O'Reilly because he said “Muslims killed us on 9/11.”  Because he did not specifically identify these Muslims as “extremists” he was bad and needed to be interrupted and ignored.  Really, from my view it looked like a show; a shameless act of self-aggrandizement. 

http://www.washingonpost.com

5 - Tea Party/Republican Victories in the Midterm Elections

For better or for worse, the Elephant People picked up a huge victory this past year.  It was also a big win for female candidates as almost all of the major races involved a woman who is either just starting like O'Donnell, or a long-time insider, like Murkouski.  I'm an Independent myself, more of a Constitutional purist (almost a Libertarian, but not quite), so the fact that a lot of blue states turned red really doesn't phase me much, I know that no one party is more corrupt than the other and I will believe this Tea Party Change when I see it.  But then again, I think that some new blood in Washington is a good thing.  It's time for term limits people!!!!

http://conservativeforchange.com/

4 - Health Care Passes

I'm not happy about this at all.  This massive power grab by Washington is an overreach in every definition of the word.  It's time for people to go back and read our founding documents, because when it lists what rights we have, health care is not one of them.  “But we have the 'Right to life'...”  Ok, yeah, nobody is saying die.  In fact, before this health care nightmare launched, America already had the most readily available health care system in the world and people where not regularly denied care if they really needed it, despite what John McCain (Who, suddenly, is against the bill?  Or something... I just don't like that guy) and Anthony Weiner say. 

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/

3 - The Gulf Oil Spill

The worst man-made environmental disaster since Chernobyl, and Tony Hayward just wants his life back.  The oil spill in the Gulf destroyed sea life, land life, plant life and businesses all up and down the Gulf Coast.  It went on for what seemed like an eternity and both BP and the US government seemed to drag their heels.  A number of other countries offered their resources to us and the Obama Administration turned their aid down.  Try explaining that one away with a straight face.  Still, the one to blame here is definitely BP and the incompetence of Hayward and his minimalist efforts.  The Deepwater Horizon was not sufficiently inspected and did not meet the safety standards it should have.  BP really screwed the pooch on this one.

http://onceatraveler.com

2 - North Korea Attacks Yeonpyeong Island

I've thought for a long time that Kim Jong-Il is one of the most dangerous people on the planet.  He proved that he is as nuts as I thought he was by launching artillery strikes on the South Korean disputed territory Yeonpyeong Island, which is an obvious test of South Korean and American forces to see how far they can press before we fire back.  The most egregious thing is, North Korea issued a warning telling South Korea not to retaliate or defend itself.  Amazing.

http://www.csmonitor.com

1 - The Earthquake in Haiti

The 7.0 earthquake that struck Haiti on January 12th is one of the most devastating natural disasters in history, and the most powerful earthquake recorded in the last two centuries.  The nation's limited infrastructure and impoverished state exasperated the death toll and destruction even more.  I commend all of the people who are working day and night to continue to rebuild the nation and supply funds to aid the devastated victims of this horrendous disaster.

30 Clever, Funny, Scary and Just Plain Entertaining Music Videos: Part 3

10 - Foo Fighters - Everlong
Foo Fighters are back for the last time with what is arguably their best song and easily their best video.  Dave and Taylor play husband and... wife?  When Dave gets the hint that his wife may be in danger in her dreams, he fights to get back to sleep to get in there and save her from the other two band members.  It’s very strange, very chaotic, and very fun.


09 - Weezer - Buddy Holly
Who doesn’t like the things Spike Jonze has done behind the camera.  What could be his greatest masterpiece is Buddy Holly.  He seamlessly integrates geek rockers Weezer into an episode of Happy Days.  It is so seamless that it actually seems real.  A flawless execution.


08 - Jet - Look What You’ve Done
Cute little animated animals get viciously slaughtered by an unseen evil in this video.  You never see too much in the form of a violent kill, but it’s what you don’t see that is truly scary.  Also, it’s over a poppy, cheery little song, which makes you wonder what the guys who where behind this bizarre display where smoking.


07 - Beck - Girl
At the end of every Mad Magazine was a page with strange art you could fold over to reveal a sort of subliminal image when the center of the picture is cut out.  Yeah, so Beck did a whole video on that concept.  Shelves, tables and entire buildings fold to reveal sardonic messages about what is on screen.


06 - Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer
This COULD be the greatest drug-induced hallucination in the history of music.  Peter Gabriel’s stop motion clay fest is so out there and filled with insanity, that you’re waiting to wake up in a place that is normal by comparison.. like Pee Wee’s Playhouse.


05 - Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
Soundgarden is awesome, this video: equally awesome... and a little scary.  The suburbs meet all kinds of crazy when the band rocks out and a molten Unicron shows up to make everyone’s face stretch out of shape.. or something.  But hey!  There’s a creepy woman putting on make-up while she’s on a belt machine and a much younger, overly-tanned guy doing push ups in the same room.  Yeah!  Um... Wait...  Wow this video is weird!





04 - Beastie Boys - Sabotage
I’m not a fan of hip-hop to be honest.  I don’t like it much.  But that’s not to say that some hits stand don't out as awesome.  There were a few runners up in my list that almost made it too, including Busta Rhymes and Tupac, but this video is probably my all time favorite hip hop video.  The Beastie Boys are dressed as 1970’s cops and act out an over-the-top action show's opening credits.  It’s funny and brilliant.


03 - Pearl Jam - Jeremy
This video is dead serious, and so is the subject matter.  But the disturbing imagery, epic tune and shocking ending makes this one one of the greatest videos of all time... EVER!


02 - A-Ha - Take on Me
This brilliantly executed video mixes animation with live action seamlessly and is arguably the first video to use modern special effects so well not only to match the song, but to tell a story.  It’s easily the one best videos of the 80’s and also one of the best songs.  It’s a shame they never had another hit.


01 - Michael Jackson - Thriller
Here it is.  Was there ever a question really?  This extremely long, horror movie/music video has one of the most famous and recognizable dance numbers in music history and the King of Pop’s haunting and really fun tune goes perfect with the ghoulish theme.  It’s just wonderful.

30 Clever, Funny, Scary and Just Plain Entertaining Music Videos: Part 2

20 - Tool - Parabola
This is another one of those that may make you turn your head sideways.  A black dude with tentacles for eyebrows, a little stop-motion creature that dies and gets dissected by the aforementioned black guy and a big amorphous ball that floats in the air.  It’s so nuts that I love it.  I especially love the long version which opens with the prologue tune Parabol played over deformed businessmen who float over a table and vomit black paint, spinning slowly to paint a circle.


19 - Beck - Loser
Like Foo Fighters and Tool, Beck makes multiple appearances on this list because his brilliantly insane videos match perfectly with his delightfully strange lyrics.  The death theme in the video is presented in such an odd way )a coffin moving on its own across the ground, cheerleaders dancing in a graveyard and the grim reaper washing a car window with blood) that you can’t help but love this one.


18 - Switchfoot - We Are One Tonight
On a lighter side, We Are One Tonight, in my opinion, is one of the most brilliant videos ever conceived, and it would probably make my top 100 videos of all time.  The video shows the band’s motions matching perfectly with the motions of various people in a number of different scenarios, from work to gymnastics, to swinging.  The way the scenes and movements flow perfectly into each other is so seamless that it seems like a single sweeping motion, which is the idea.  Good stuff!


17 - Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly
What do you get when Tenacious D hides drugs in the coffee maker on board a commercial flight?  An utter disaster on board an airplane and the only people who can save the flight are the band members, who skipped the drugged coffee and went with good old alcohol, so they’re about at the same level of sobriety as any other commercial pilot.  The band members return pulling off the multiple roles thing and some of them are so funny that you might forget that it’s a band member you’re laughing at.


16 - Blur - Coffee & TV
LOL!  I love this one.  Remember Song 2?  You know?  The song that’s on every action movie trailer ever made?  Well, this is NOT that song.  Blur’s Coffee & TV is a poppy, simple rock song with vocal harmonies and a nice bouncy rhythm.  The video follows a milk carton trying to find the missing band member on his side, so the mini milk carton walks around town, hitchhikes and even meets a pink, strawberry milk carton, and they fall in love.  They both die by the end.  It’s okay though, because we get to watch their spirits take flight as the milk carton angles make towards Heaven.



 
15 - Interpol - Evil
A car accident, a tragedy, a really freaking scary puppet.  I love this one a lot.  Another that would rank amongst my favorite videos ever.


14 - Genesis - Land of Confusion
MORE HORRIFYING PUPPETS!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 





13 - Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice
The premise of this video is simple.  Christopher Walken dances... and... um... flies around a hotel lobby.  Win guys!  Epic win!


12 - Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight
This video, which resembles a Vaudeville stage show is another one of the greatest ever made.  The song fits perfectly with the protagonists’ amazing journey from the sky to the sea to the moon and results in one of the most delightful music videos ever conceived.



 
11 - Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence
Aside from being one of my favorite songs from the 80s, Enjoy the Silence is a very interesting video.  A king without a kingdom you could say.  He wanders beautiful landscapes attempting to stake his claim, nothing seems to fulfill him, however.

30 Clever, Funny, Scary and Just Plain Entertaining Music Videos: Part 1

Introduction - Some music videos will be remembered as clever, fun, exciting and flat out genius. Most, however, are just forgettable. Usually they are vanity projects designed to show us how awesome, sexy, silly or normal the artist is. These videos are among those that stand out as especially clever, and while there are some that are left out, I know, these are MY personal favorites. Enjoy!

30 - Beck - New Pollution -

Like most videos by solo funnyman/musical prodigy Beck, this one is a chaotic barrage of strange imagery and seemingly clashing visual suggestions. It goes from a happy 50’s style sitcom intro to a psychedelic cavalcade that mocks go go videos, the Beatles and so much more. Very clever.

29 - Foo Fighters - Big Me

Foo Fighters’ members are known for appearing in their videos as multiple characters... and genders. This one is one of their best, a series of spoofs of popular Mentos ads replacing The Fresh Fighter’s label with Footos: the Fresh Fighter. This is one video that’s often overlooked in video lists, which is sad, because I really enjoy this one.

28 - Tool - Schism

What can I say about Tool. I love these guys. These unconventional rockers take rock beyond just a song and more towards a composition. The non-linear way in which their songs flow keeps things interesting, as do their utterly insane music videos, which never seem to feature the band. Schism is somewhat of an exception as the members appear in blurry flashes at the start, but from there we see freaky gray people with red things sticking out of their bodies. It’s nuts, and I love it!

27 - Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

They don’t even care. They really don’t. That’s why this seemingly normal night for a group of teenagers goes from fun romps to defiant displays to delinquency. The progression of the characters in the video is part of what makes it so great. Well, that and the moving song.

26 - Ok Go - This Too Shall Pass (Rube Goldberg Version)

Ok Go isn’t exactly my favorite band. They don’t suck, but they just don’t have a huge, unique sound to me. Still, this video, featuring a giant Rube Goldberg Contraption that runs the length of the entire song right on time is stunning and clever. I will give it up to this band, they do come up with some clever stuff!

25 - Pearl Jam - Do The Evolution

Todd McFarlane. In the 90s it seemed like he did everything. Aside from directing some animation for Korn, he also did this very overlooked video for grunge icons Pearl Jam. The video which focuses on evolution up to a point, then devolves into a series of disturbing visuals showing the darkest sides of man. The song is also very intense, pushing an energy that goes beyond what you normally heard from grunge rockers.

24 - Weezer - Pork & Beans

You Tube is huge, Weezer are talented nerds, put those two things together and you get Pork & Beans, a strange mash-up featuring a massive list of Internet “celebrities” made famous for their viral antics. It’s very funny. A reminder to me of how much I truly love Weezer.

23 - Green Day - Redundant

What better to do for a song called Redundant than to have a growing cast of people repeat the same thing over and over again until there is so much going on on screen it’s a little hard to keep up? Redundant is not one of Green Day’s singles that comes right off the tip of the tongue. But I will admit I do like the video a lot. It’s one of their best.

22 - Mutemath - Typical

The video for Typical was acted out backwards, then played in reverse. I kid you not. They played the song backwards. Well, they acted it out backwards, but it’s still pretty awesome. The song is great, the band is amazing and this is one epically awesome music video.

21 - Apex Twin - Come To Daddy

Did you bring a change of shorts? You may need one. I’m not sure what’s wrong with this guy, but he likes to put his face on other people’s heads. In this one, his face is stamped on kids. Which makes them creepy, flat out scary actually, and they chase a frightened old lady and other seeming normal patrons around an abandoned lot and an apartment building straight out of Chernobyl, or at least straight out of an Orson Welles movie.

15 Most Prodigiously Annoying Movie Characters of All Time

 

15 - Jay - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back -

Kevin Smith directed Jason Mewes’ foul-mouthed pothead in Clerks, and it was funny.  Jay’s absurd outlook was entertaining, and his one-liners that he spewed added more life to an already lively screenplay. Jay and Silent Bob (played by Smith himself) appeared in a number of Kevin Smith’s other movies over the years but in 2001, a feature-length dosage of Mewes’ schtick was just a little too much to handle, and his constant over-the-top language and come-ons grew very old, very fast.

14 - Ruby Rhod - The Fifth Element -

Luc Besson is one of the best filmmakers working today, and the Fifth Element is a fun, visually-engaging cult sci-fi classic.  All of the characters, even the minor ones, are fun and offer a great deal of memorably funny and exciting moments.  All of the characters, that is, except for the insanely unfunny Chris Tucker as Ruby Rhod, a womanizing DJ who mixes completely random dialogue with futuristic techno.  It’s as painful as it sounds, and it almost drags the movie down at moments where Tucker makes a constant effort to “steal” scenes from the leads.

13 - Oompa Loompas - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory -

Never since the Wizard of Oz, or at least the Terror of Tiny Town, have so many little people been brought together to “bring joy” to the audience.  The Oompa Loompas came on the scene early into the film, bringing the story to a complete halt with their oingy-boingy minor-key “music?”.  They proceed to appear at several other moments in the film, pulling away from the plot for 2-3 minutes,   recycling the same boring song over and over again.

12 - “Willie” Scott - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

When you don’t know how to properly execute a character, just scream a lot.  The aforementioned Chris Tucker must have come from the same school of acting as Kate Capshaw, easily the worst of the three Jones ladies as she pouts, shrieks and screams her way through every scene.

11 - Barney Ruble - Flintstones Movies

It’s pretty bad when your movie is so low-budget you’re forced to recast John Goodman and Rick Moranis.  Moranis tries his best to imitate the stout neighbor of Fred to no avail, but things become even more painful in 2000 with the sequel Viva Rock Vegas (Get it?  Ha ha ha... Bleh!).  Moranis does not reprise his role and is replaced with the even lower-grade Stephen Baldwin, who is even worse in the role.  The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas is one of the worst films of the last 10 years and this character drags it way, waaaaaay down.

10 - Adam Sandler - In General

Most of the films starring Adam Sandler were painful as in most scenes he waddles around, a pout on his face, stuttering and lisping in every line.  At his worst (films such as little Nicky and the Waterboy) he did this through the entire film.  At his best, in movies like Happy Gilmore, he was an obnoxious ass that was mostly unbearable when he was talking normal, not to mention when he started speaking in a baby voice or screaming like a madman.  I had a hard time picking a “worst performance” of his so I just lumped him into one paragraph

                                                      09 - James Carter and Inspector Lee - Rush Hour Series

Chris Tucker returns to the list, this time with his Asian counterpart, martial arts star Jackie Chan for a deadly duo that give Holbert and Reese a run for their money.  Brett Ratner is not a particularly good director and Rush Hour is proof.  When the “creative minds” behind the film can’t figure out what to do with a scene, they have Tucker scream and shriek, bug-eyed, waving his arms about, while Chan stands confused and disapproving, only to quip back with unintelligible English.  Rinse, repeat... for 3 films... make that 4.

                                                     

08 - Kazaam - Shaq

Kazaam is easily one of the worst films of the 90s.  Shaquille O'Neil: one of the worst on-screen personalities ever.  Combine these two things with Shaq’s titular genie’s unbearable rapping and you have one of the worst characters to ever appear in films.  

07 - Mr. Freeze - Batman and Robin

Arnold Schwarzenegger can be really, really bad.  He is at his absolute worst in Batman and Robin as Mr. Freeze.  He stumbles on his English as he drops one ice-related one-liner after another, and not one of them are funny.  He looks like a bionic member of the Blue Man Group and has the screen presence of a loaf of bread.  This performance is so heinous that it has been blamed for much of the film's seemingly endless criticism.

06 - Patience “Catwoman” Phillips - Catwoman

I know that this is going to piss some people off, but Halle Berry is a freaking terrible actress. Catwoman is, by far, her biggest offense (though Gothika and Perfect Stranger come really, really close), and as she woodenly whines her way through her lines, eventually becoming the “Catwoman” we don’t even recognize, her lines delivered during some of the film’s “action” scenes and the movie’s horrendous ending make this character a truly annoying disaster.

05 - Pauly Shore - Everything he’s ever done

Pauly Shore, like Sandler earlier, was hard to boil down to one bad role.  This was made a little easier, however, by the fact that he acts exactly the same in every movie.  So I just decided to go with Shore as a character and make everything simpler.  Every movie he’s ever been in has been horrible.  He is an insanely unfunny bore with an annoying voice, a nauseating schtick involving pelvic thrusts and strange hand gestures, and a statistical anomaly in the form of a film resume so bad, that Paris Hilton looks like Bette Davis in comparison.

04 - Terl - Battlefield Earth

John Travolta made a point to adapt Scientology-founder and sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard’s story on screen in a way that does his “prophet” justice.  The result: a film so terrible that Xenu now has Travolta on his personal shit-list.  Terl, the obnoxious, stupid, and repulsive alien overlord in the film ranks as one of the worst villains in movie history.  The human heroes, led by Berry Pepper, are not great either, and by the end you just want Terl to kill everybody, including himself.  On a side-note, you have to wonder if Travolta thought he was telling a true story here...

03 - Edward Cullen - Twilight “Saga”

Life... Is... Pain.  I suffer in all of my abstinence, but I haunt my girlfriend.  Sounds like a Mick Jagger marriage, but it’s not, it’s Edward from Twilight.  This horrendous series has plagued theatres for the past few years, with no apparent end in sight.  Edward, who broods like any brooding brute has ever dwelt.  He stares blank-faced, not because he’s a lost soul struggling with his love for the lovely Bella, but because he’s a freaking terrible actor, a spawn from terrible actor Hell!  I hate this series and will dance on its grave 

when it becomes a straight-to-DVD afterthought.

02 - Eddie Murphy - Anything he has done in the last two decades

1983.  Trading Places.  The last time Eddie Murphy acted in a movie that didn’t make me want to cut my face off.  Lately though, especially in the last 10 years, Murphy has actually taken a turn for the worst, as amazing as that sounds.  Norbit, the Adventures of Pluto Nash, Meet Dave, Imagine That, all dreadful.  Oh, and by the way, do NOT say “Shrek was awesome!” because I don’t care what you think.

01 - Jar Jar Binks - Star Wars Prequels

This one was too easy.  I mean, think about it.  If you had to list the one worst character from any movie you could possible think up off the top of your head, how many of you would think “JAR JAR!” first?  Probably most of you.  Everything this character does is annoying.  During very basic dialogue scenes he bounces around, flinging his appendages as if to say “LOOK AT ME!!! DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THE DRECK THE STARS ARE SPEWING OUT!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEE!!!!!”  George Lucas tried everything he could to ruin the franchise that made him famous.  The Star Wars Prequels are stinging slap to the face of the devoted fan-base that waited over twenty years for a back-story to the sci-fi epic and Lucas gives those fans a three-course meal of Buffalo Crap, Turd Burgers and Chocolate-Free Brownies.  Amazingly enough, nothing that happened in Episode one really had anything to do with the original trilogy, and the introduction of Jar Jar Binks just made things worse.  This character will go down in history as one of the worst cinematic mistakes ever (right up there with the Billy Jack sequels) and is largely responsible for massive steaming pile of FAIL that were these movies.