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Thursday, December 16, 2010

15 Most Prodigiously Annoying Movie Characters of All Time


15 - Jay - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back -
Kevin Smith directed Jason Mewes’ foul-mouthed pothead in Clerks, and it was funny.  Jay’s absurd outlook was entertaining, and his one-liners that he spewed added more life to an already lively screenplay. Jay and Silent Bob (played by Smith himself) appeared in a number of Kevin Smith’s other movies over the years but in 2001, a feature-length dosage of Mewes’ schtick was just a little too much to handle, and his constant over-the-top language and come-ons grew very old, very fast.

14 - Ruby Rhod - The Fifth Element -
Luc Besson is one of the best filmmakers working today, and the Fifth Element is a fun, visually-engaging cult sci-fi classic.  All of the characters, even the minor ones, are fun and offer a great deal of memorably funny and exciting moments.  All of the characters, that is, except for the insanely unfunny Chris Tucker as Ruby Rhod, a womanizing DJ who mixes completely random dialogue with futuristic techno.  It’s as painful as it sounds, and it almost drags the movie down at moments where Tucker makes a constant effort to “steal” scenes from the leads.

13 - Oompa Loompas - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory -
Never since the Wizard of Oz, or at least the Terror of Tiny Town, have so many little people been brought together to “bring joy” to the audience.  The Oompa Loompas came on the scene early into the film, bringing the story to a complete halt with their oingy-boingy minor-key “music?”.  They proceed to appear at several other moments in the film, pulling away from the plot for 2-3 minutes,   recycling the same boring song over and over again.

12 - “Willie” Scott - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
When you don’t know how to properly execute a character, just scream a lot.  The aforementioned Chris Tucker must have come from the same school of acting as Kate Capshaw, easily the worst of the three Jones ladies as she pouts, shrieks and screams her way through every scene.

11 - Barney Ruble - Flintstones Movies
It’s pretty bad when your movie is so low-budget you’re forced to recast John Goodman and Rick Moranis.  Moranis tries his best to imitate the stout neighbor of Fred to no avail, but things become even more painful in 2000 with the sequel Viva Rock Vegas (Get it?  Ha ha ha... Bleh!).  Moranis does not reprise his role and is replaced with the even lower-grade Stephen Baldwin, who is even worse in the role.  The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas is one of the worst films of the last 10 years and this character drags it way, waaaaaay down.

10 - Adam Sandler - In General
Most of the films starring Adam Sandler were painful as in most scenes he waddles around, a pout on his face, stuttering and lisping in every line.  At his worst (films such as little Nicky and the Waterboy) he did this through the entire film.  At his best, in movies like Happy Gilmore, he was an obnoxious ass that was mostly unbearable when he was talking normal, not to mention when he started speaking in a baby voice or screaming like a madman.  I had a hard time picking a “worst performance” of his so I just lumped him into one paragraph

                                                      09 - James Carter and Inspector Lee - Rush Hour Series
Chris Tucker returns to the list, this time with his Asian counterpart, martial arts star Jackie Chan for a deadly duo that give Holbert and Reese a run for their money.  Brett Ratner is not a particularly good director and Rush Hour is proof.  When the “creative minds” behind the film can’t figure out what to do with a scene, they have Tucker scream and shriek, bug-eyed, waving his arms about, while Chan stands confused and disapproving, only to quip back with unintelligible English.  Rinse, repeat... for 3 films... make that 4.

08 - Kazaam - Shaq
Kazaam is easily one of the worst films of the 90s.  Shaquille O'Neil: one of the worst on-screen personalities ever.  Combine these two things with Shaq’s titular genie’s unbearable rapping and you have one of the worst characters to ever appear in films.  

07 - Mr. Freeze - Batman and Robin
Arnold Schwarzenegger can be really, really bad.  He is at his absolute worst in Batman and Robin as Mr. Freeze.  He stumbles on his English as he drops one ice-related one-liner after another, and not one of them are funny.  He looks like a bionic member of the Blue Man Group and has the screen presence of a loaf of bread.  This performance is so heinous that it has been blamed for much of the film's seemingly endless criticism.

06 - Patience “Catwoman” Phillips - Catwoman
I know that this is going to piss some people off, but Halle Berry is a freaking terrible actress. Catwoman is, by far, her biggest offense (though Gothika and Perfect Stranger come really, really close), and as she woodenly whines her way through her lines, eventually becoming the “Catwoman” we don’t even recognize, her lines delivered during some of the film’s “action” scenes and the movie’s horrendous ending make this character a truly annoying disaster.

05 - Pauly Shore - Everything he’s ever done
Pauly Shore, like Sandler earlier, was hard to boil down to one bad role.  This was made a little easier, however, by the fact that he acts exactly the same in every movie.  So I just decided to go with Shore as a character and make everything simpler.  Every movie he’s ever been in has been horrible.  He is an insanely unfunny bore with an annoying voice, a nauseating schtick involving pelvic thrusts and strange hand gestures, and a statistical anomaly in the form of a film resume so bad, that Paris Hilton looks like Bette Davis in comparison.

04 - Terl - Battlefield Earth
John Travolta made a point to adapt Scientology-founder and sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard’s story on screen in a way that does his “prophet” justice.  The result: a film so terrible that Xenu now has Travolta on his personal shit-list.  Terl, the obnoxious, stupid, and repulsive alien overlord in the film ranks as one of the worst villains in movie history.  The human heroes, led by Berry Pepper, are not great either, and by the end you just want Terl to kill everybody, including himself.  On a side-note, you have to wonder if Travolta thought he was telling a true story here...

03 - Edward Cullen - Twilight “Saga”
Life... Is... Pain.  I suffer in all of my abstinence, but I haunt my girlfriend.  Sounds like a Mick Jagger marriage, but it’s not, it’s Edward from Twilight.  This horrendous series has plagued theatres for the past few years, with no apparent end in sight.  Edward, who broods like any brooding brute has ever dwelt.  He stares blank-faced, not because he’s a lost soul struggling with his love for the lovely Bella, but because he’s a freaking terrible actor, a spawn from terrible actor Hell!  I hate this series and will dance on its grave 
when it becomes a straight-to-DVD afterthought.

02 - Eddie Murphy - Anything he has done in the last two decades
1983.  Trading Places.  The last time Eddie Murphy acted in a movie that didn’t make me want to cut my face off.  Lately though, especially in the last 10 years, Murphy has actually taken a turn for the worst, as amazing as that sounds.  Norbit, the Adventures of Pluto Nash, Meet Dave, Imagine That, all dreadful.  Oh, and by the way, do NOT say “Shrek was awesome!” because I don’t care what you think.

01 - Jar Jar Binks - Star Wars Prequels
This one was too easy.  I mean, think about it.  If you had to list the one worst character from any movie you could possible think up off the top of your head, how many of you would think “JAR JAR!” first?  Probably most of you.  Everything this character does is annoying.  During very basic dialogue scenes he bounces around, flinging his appendages as if to say “LOOK AT ME!!! DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THE DRECK THE STARS ARE SPEWING OUT!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEE!!!!!”  George Lucas tried everything he could to ruin the franchise that made him famous.  The Star Wars Prequels are stinging slap to the face of the devoted fan-base that waited over twenty years for a back-story to the sci-fi epic and Lucas gives those fans a three-course meal of Buffalo Crap, Turd Burgers and Chocolate-Free Brownies.  Amazingly enough, nothing that happened in Episode one really had anything to do with the original trilogy, and the introduction of Jar Jar Binks just made things worse.  This character will go down in history as one of the worst cinematic mistakes ever (right up there with the Billy Jack sequels) and is largely responsible for massive steaming pile of FAIL that were these movies.

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