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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My 100 Worst Movies of the 90's - 34 - The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
(1990; Twentieth Century Fox)
Because everyone in America absolutely wanted him to, Andrew Dice Clay made a movie!  The Adventures of Ford Fairlande introduces us to the Dice Man as a leading man and boy is it bad.  I mean, really bad.  The plot is circular, the story, stupid, Andrew Dice Clay is obnoxious (what a shocker!) and everyone else is just terrible.

The plot follows Ford Fairlane, a P.I., who is charged with investigating the murder of a rocker on stage.  His leads bring up the same name, a mysterious girl, and everyone who names her seems to end up dead.  So this is the film.  He talks to a person, he yells at a woman he’s slept with at some point, the person gets killed, he can’t believe they got killed, he gets a hint about another person who knows about the killer, rinse, repeat.  This really is one of the most redundant films ever made.

Let’s put aside for a moment the fact that Andrew Dice Clay isn’t funny (God, he isn’t).  Let’s assume he can act (God, he can’t).  This is still an artless, poorly-written, amateurish film.  The plot is weak, it is incomprehensible, it is shallow, it is definitely misogynistic and it is utterly senseless from start to finish.  If there has ever been a movie that should be lost to the throws of time, never to be restored or archived, this is worthy of being that movie.  The Aventures of Ford Fairlane is a disgusting, utterly offensive film and I hated every single minute of it.  However. it is not my number one; not even close.  So, what movies could I possibly hate more than this film?

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