|The Adventures of Ford Fairlane |
(1990; Twentieth Century Fox)
The plot follows Ford Fairlane, a P.I., who is charged with investigating the murder of a rocker on stage. His leads bring up the same name, a mysterious girl, and everyone who names her seems to end up dead. So this is the film. He talks to a person, he yells at a woman he’s slept with at some point, the person gets killed, he can’t believe they got killed, he gets a hint about another person who knows about the killer, rinse, repeat. This really is one of the most redundant films ever made.
Let’s put aside for a moment the fact that Andrew Dice Clay isn’t funny (God, he isn’t). Let’s assume he can act (God, he can’t). This is still an artless, poorly-written, amateurish film. The plot is weak, it is incomprehensible, it is shallow, it is definitely misogynistic and it is utterly senseless from start to finish. If there has ever been a movie that should be lost to the throws of time, never to be restored or archived, this is worthy of being that movie. The Aventures of Ford Fairlane is a disgusting, utterly offensive film and I hated every single minute of it. However. it is not my number one; not even close. So, what movies could I possibly hate more than this film?